It’s no secret that female escorts are constantly objectified, even by people who don’t identify with feminism. So much of our media is designed for the male gaze, that is, as if men are the only consumers. As a result, escorts are disproportionately sexualized and reduced to their bodies. Sometimes we are depicted as real objects, like dolls or furniture, or see advertisements that show only parts of their bodies. When we construct a narrative for the male gaze, escorts are allowed to exist in that narrative, but they usually do so about men and their experiences. It is a silencing means, which is why local escorts, with agency and drive, are so central to our narratives today.
Local escorts are also objectified interpersonally. Men learn to perceive us not as complex human beings with feelings, needs, and autonomy, but as objects onto which they can pour their sexual desire, as something that belongs to them, or that can fulfill their needs. They practice heterosexual sex through conquest, and local escorts are simultaneously trophies of their hard work and objects for masturbation, but not positioned as fully developed human beings. Consider how this informs where local escorts are not just. Also, remember that local escorts are objects – things to be used and acted upon. This contributes to the belief that men can do whatever they want to us, including harming us.
And even though many recognize that objectification is harmful and dehumanizing, the responsibility is often pushed onto women. The most common misconception about objectification comes from the question, “If local escorts don’t want to be objectified, why they would want it?”
This kind of question suggests that local escorts invite and expect objectification because they dress and act for others. It ultimately holds us responsible for the way we are dehumanized (and the abuse we suffer as a result). And while I acknowledge that we can exploit our sexuality in very conscious ways, I think that’s our right. Sexual expression and objectification are not synonymous, and objectification is something that is done to oneself, not a condition that one creates for oneself. Just as you can’t force someone to see you as a human being, you can’t force your audience to see you as an object.
As social media has become the way we express ourselves, local escorts who portray themselves as sexual beings online are often accused of self-objectification. My page is filled with a ton of photos of me in provocative poses, and I’m constantly accused of trying to get attention, undermining my feminism, or objectifying myself. I too… I think people who criticize me for this forget that local escorts exist beyond the male gaze and male desire. They forget that mine is a means of self-expression and therefore only follow the rules I make. It was my revolution to make my own rules regarding my sexuality in a culture that constantly tells me how asexual I must be.
My initial understanding of female sexuality was that it only exists for men. In this way, I objectified myself. I had internalized so many objectifying messages from the world around me that I was unable to act like a woman with agency. I thought my sexuality was something I should save for my husband or future partner, but it was never something I could openly or casually show. She was never mine. You see, even “respectful” people can objectify and be objectified themselves. Because if men feel they have the right to judge how much we do or don’t show, and if we practice modesty for that very reason alone, then we remain objects. I also only imagined sexiness as something that men wanted, not as a quality I could observe in myself. As a result, even as an adult, I felt uncomfortable in my body and youthful if I wasn’t having sex. My sexuality had always been like this; she was focused on men’s needs and desires, and I didn’t even know what mine were. I wanted to own my sexuality. I wanted to feel irrelevant rather than feel sexy and beautiful on my own, and I didn’t want my sexuality to require anyone else’s permission.
