For some people and couples, few things are more intimate than sex with a partner and sex with oneself. What we do, think, and desire during masturbation has no substantial impact on our lives beyond learning what feels good and what doesn’t. We see masturbation as a separateplace, a place for ourselves. But in relationships, we may share everything, even what happened in our loneliest moments. It would be nice to think that every time we get to know each other better and explore our sexuality, everything will magically work out, but that’s not always the case. It can be very upsetting or a little insecure to find out that your partner likesthings that confuse or make you uncomfortable. And that certainly applies to each other’s porn tubes. When it comes to porn, for some it’s “Yes!” and for others, it’s “Really?” But like many things in relationships, if we focus on talking things through without rushing, we often find that we have something in common. So, what should you do if you realize that you and your partner
Like different kinds of porn?
First, don’t panic. That’s the most important thing. Sex is a very intimate and vulnerable space, and there’s a lot of pressure to feel like you have an essentially explosive sex life. That it’s always going to be magic and fireworks, and that you’re craving the same thing without any effort. But that’s total nonsense. Very few people are perfectly in sync. So don’t see every disagreement between you and your partner as an insurmountable challenge or a sign that you don’t have a great sex life. It’s natural to have slightly different tendencies from time to time.
Remember that porn tubes are not real.
One reason you shouldn’t get upset about your partner’s porn tubes is that what we like on porn tubes is often very different from what we want in real life. Some people like gay porn. Many heterosexual women love porn tubes. Some people love watching porn but have no interest in trying anything other than the most basic flower sex in real life. Why? Well, fantasies are a funny thing. Sometimes, there’s something we want to explore more but haven’t found the right way to do it yet. But sometimes they’re fantasies because we like the idea of exploring in theory without actually trying it. You need to talk to your partner about what he thinks about the porn videos he watches and how they relate to his sex life.
Uses it as a starting point
Even if you feel like you like different types of porn, you’ll probably find more in common than you think. You can use the types of porn videos as a starting point for a larger conversation. What do you like about them? Power dynamics? What about positions? What about the act? Role-play? Even if you seem to say different things, you might find common ground once you start exploring.
Let’s talk about a bigger issue.
In some cases, there might be an even bigger problem with the types of porn videos your partner watches. For example, if you are not interested in rough sex, you may find it difficult if your partner watches BDSM porn or porn that you feel degrades women. If such an issue arises, be sure to it. It is not something you let go of. Ask your partner what attracts you to this type of porn, explain what you do not like about it, and try to understand each other. This can cause much bigger problems in your relationship, but it is a conversation worth having.
Finally, you and your partner may want to set boundaries regarding porn in the future, especially if there is a lot of overlap between masturbation and your sex life. For example, if a couple enjoys watching porn videos during sex (or as foreplay), you both need to decide what types and categories of
Porn videos you enjoy
Maybe you want porn videos to play a bigger role in your sex life to get to know your partner’s preferences. Or maybe you want porn videos to play a smaller role and keep it more for yourself. The decision is entirely up to you, but make sure you have some ground rules in place to make sure you’re both comfortable going forward.
Porn videos are a weird and crazy world. What’s amazing for one person can be completely off-putting for another. If you and your partner don’t have the same tastes, there’s no need to panic. Instead, talk about it, look for common ground, and remember that what you like in a porn video and what you want in real life are often very different, and that’s okay — we all need a little privacy sometimes.
