It is not uncommon that people have many false, misinformed, preconceived ideas about sex workers. For example, adult sex workers are always willing and ready to have sex, never say no, always super wild in bed, etc. Because if we are professional prostitutes, we have to be super sexy all the time, right
It is already hard to have relationships as a sex worker
Many expectations stem from the same stigma that is also placed on us. People think that as a sex worker, I have to be sexually active all the time, and as a I have always been playing a character. Until recently, I didn’t realize how much I had internalized people’s rigid prejudices. Still, it wasn’t until I spoke to a knowledgeable sexologist that I began to think that always adhering to these standards was damaging my mental health. Adult Sex workers are so dehumanized that it can be challenging for them not to be dehumanized themselves. After all, we are complex human beings, and even if we engage in sex, it is not the most essential part of us. Adult sex work itself is not just about sex and adult sex acts are just one part of sexuality. Adult, for me, is something that is constantly being discovered and continually changing. I often think about what kind of attraction I experience, how it is expressed, and what I feel about it.
Sexual prostitutes sound a bit strange in this narrow-minded way
There is a belief that prostitutes are adults with sex addictions and that anyone on the a sexual spectrum hates adult sex. Still, I have met many prostitutes who belong to different parts of the asexual spectrum. Rules urge us to behave in a certain way: “Don’t be too provocative or too naive,” “Have sex like an adult, but don’t overdo it,” and according to these standards, nothing is more offensive than a prostitute. These norms prevent us from exploring ourselves and discovering what we like, where our limits are, what we find attractive, and when. The latter is a question I’ve been asking myself for a long time: I know I feel desire, but does it always match my attraction? Understanding your sexuality, passion, and attraction can be very difficult because the dominant culture tells us that if we have sex or like sex, there is only one type of sexual desire; it doesn’t fall into the asexual range. But that’s not true. Sexual desire is not synonymous with attraction, and being asexual does not mean that you will always have an aversion to sex, even in adulthood. We are not taught that other kinds of attraction are different from purely sexual, such as platonic attraction, aesthetic attraction, romantic attraction, and even sensual attraction.
Even if I’m working on sex, it doesn’t mean it’s the most critical thing
I get great psychological satisfaction from being sadistic. I praise, humiliate, and punish my subs, but these things are not inherently sexual to me. They are fun, entertaining, and satisfying. For me, it’s very sensory and psychological. You can do a lot of things that are not directly sexual, and you can do a lot of sexual stuff without feeling sexual attraction. The combinations of desire, pleasure, and attraction are endless. For a long time, I thought so, and to some true extent, but I guess I feel primarily desire and aesthetic attraction, not necessarily sexual. For me, it means enjoying sex between adults and experiencing it internally in a way that is different from other people. Because of this, I didn’t think it was worth considering. What if it’s not something that will affect my practice from the outside? But giving yourself the answers and getting curious about the most complex aspects of your inner world can be very positive.